our cab driver is having phone sex.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I deserve this hangover.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
