No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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