Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
