I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
