May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
