Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I would ride that face into the sunset
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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