I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
