He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
