You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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