i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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