4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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