You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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