i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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