its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
