I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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