I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize