Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize