I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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