oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And then my night got REAL pukey
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
