Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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