I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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