The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
