you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
