my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize