My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
