I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
