I'm going to jail i love you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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