Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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