Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
