i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
