he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He passed out mid-signature
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
