she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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