I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
