Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
