I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
