Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
