I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
