Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
