i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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