If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
