shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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