I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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