I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
