I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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