you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
