don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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