I am puke
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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