Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
