You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
