so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He felt like a one man threesome
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
