Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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