I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
