Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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