she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
