You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
