How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
