I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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