Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
