I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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