My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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