My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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