I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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