I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
try to milk me bitch
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