Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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