also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
