i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
