he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
