im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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