he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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