wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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