So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
