I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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