from now on my penis is your penis
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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