I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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