i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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