You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize