You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
