what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
