Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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