Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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