i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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