It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
