I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
