He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
that is very illegal...i love you.
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