Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
