she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Randomize
