It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
